Looks like SCP-001 “When Day Breaks”

Behind the teeth there could be solid material connecting sole to upper shell to make the whole thing more stable.

Like a scene from Man-Kzin Wars.

A ninety year old man is driving home on the highway when his phone rings. He answers it and it’s his wife, terribly upset.

She says “Milton, for God’s sake, he careful! I’m watching the news and it says some lunatic is driving on the wrong side of the highway, against traffic!”

Milton replies, “It’s not just one lunatic, Mildred, there’s dozens of them out here!”

The one time when the wrong number of fingers is the right number of fingers.

A light application of Style Transfer can help close the gap a bit.

Did you know that the first Christmas was designed to be a perfect yuletide world? Where none received coal, where everyone would be merry. It was a disaster. No one would accept the holiday. Entire crops were lost. Some believed we lacked the programming language to describe your perfect Christmas. But I believe that, as a species, human beings define their holidays through suffering and misery. The perfect Christmas was a dream that your primitive cerebrum kept trying to wake up from. Which is why the Christmastrix was redesigned to this: the peak of your yuletide season.

You’re seeing the rare crossed-wrists cheek spreading hand position. It requires an advanced level of dexterity, but provides a unique form of stimulation for both the pitcher and the receiver.

Oh God, why did I write this what is the matter with me.

What a terrible day to have eyes.